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Friendship and Letting Go

Proverbs 17:17
“A friend loves at all times…”

Proverbs 27:9-10
“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, . . .”

My daughter in California recently sent an e-mail about friendship. I began reading with the thought, “Oh great, another one of those sappy-sweet sentiments designed to make my mascara run!” To guarantee it, in between verses was the most adorable drawing of two happy-faced girls, embracing with outstretched arms! I smiled back at the image, misty-eyed.

“When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then…I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God will show you the best in many friends. One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your boyfriend. Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom. Another…”

Wait a minute! “When you’re going through things with your mom”?! The sentiment stung briefly, but I courageously read on:

“One friend will say let’s pray together, another let’s cry together…One friend will share your love of movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be the wind beneath your wings.

It could be one person but just as easily, it might be several: one from 7th grade, college years, or church, a couple from old jobs, on some days your mother, some days your neighbor, on others your sisters, and on some days your daughter. Whether they’ve been there 20 minutes or 20 years, God has used them to make a difference in your life.”

The idea that “we need different sets of friends” started me thinking more about friendships and letting go. I still recall the comfort of sharing teenage woes with my best friend, Karla. I needed her to help me make sense of my parent’s rules and expectations. Paradoxically, I found the same comfort commiserating with friends when our own kids were teenagers.

The memory of good times makes it easy to see how friends enrich our lives. No matter who we are, how gifted we are, or what our station is in life, it is what each of us give and receive in companionship that makes it special!

When my daughter was young I wanted, and sought, to keep her close. Over the years, I learned to let go – relinquishing her most frequently – to friends! The friendships she developed helped her evolve into the woman she is today. I did not envision some aspects of her potential success and the beneficial outcomes awaiting her independence from me, in spite of my love and the fact that in some ways I know her best.

Not that it was always easy to let go. There were hurts, tears, and sleepless nights. I wondered and worried sometimes about the other influences in her life.

These were the times I turned to the Lord Jesus Christ, who promises to take all our burdens and never to leave or forsake us. He even calls us His friends!

John 15:13, 15
“Greater love has no one than this that someone lays down his life for his friends. No longer do I call you servants…but I have called you friends.”

It was reassuring to see my inclusion on the list of friends in the sappy email, “…and on some days your mother.” To be reminded that I hold a special place in the friendships of my now adult child. There is no one like me, as the Lord has called me to be her mother. I cannot be replaced, no matter how many people influence my child’s life.

Most comforting of all, I can let go, trusting in the Savior as our best friend, forever.

“Thank you Lord for friends and for the courage and love you give us as parents to let go even when we may long to hold on! Thank you Lord, most of all, for being our truest friend, for the peace of forgiveness we receive in your name and for the gift of your saving grace. Amen.”